Damn My Cheating Brain!

I had three dreams the night before last and I remembered all of them long enough to tell my boyfriend, but not long enough to be able to write about them right now. I do remember two of them though, but only because they had to do with my boyfriend cheating on me.

I have never been cheated on, nor have I ever been a cheater myself, but I have always had the fear due to my own insecurities (and those prompted by society). I'm very confident that my current relationship will last for a looooong time, and he will never even THINK of cheating on me due to his over-flowing love for me. But I was lucky enough to find a guy who I could show what real love is, and I think I got him hooked. He actually had a dream a couple weeks ago about me cheating. He said during the dream he remembered feeling lost and completely depressed, unable to function correctly. He was immediately relieved when he realized it was just a dream, but it set his mood and left him kind-of bitter and uneasy the rest of the day. I shared this feeling all day yesterday and it was awful. Here we go:

FIRST DREAM:
Of what I can remember, it took place mostly at my brother's old apartment in Fairborn. I was standing in his bedroom looking out into the kitchen where Joey stood next to a blonde girl. They didn't show any particular interest in each other, but they came in and left together. She was "just a friend." Yea right. The next scene cut to a bar setting, where we met up with some of my friends and his friend Joel. I was sitting at one end of the bar with my friend (I don't remember who it was) and Joey, Joel and the blonde chick sat at the other end of the bar. The only conclusion I could draw for why he didn't sit next to me was that he didn't want the blonde chick to know I was his girlfriend. By the end of the dream, I had not confronted him about it yet, and I moved on to a different dream. But that was the dream I didn't remember, so allow me to move on to the third dream.

THIRD DREAM:
We were on vacation to a lake somewhere with our friends, and there were still remnants of the blonde girl in my head. I couldn't shake the fact that he cheated on me earlier, so I went out to confront him. He was swimming in the lake with a group of other girls and I noticed he and this cute/skinny red-head were bobbing up and down in the water, giggling with excitement. They were obviously doing things underwater, and I was not having it. I yelled at him to "come here!" When he got in my boat (yea, I was in a boat) I said "What the hell do you think you are doing?!" He said "As far as I know, it's still my choice" referring to the fact that we are not legally bound to each other, allowing him to do whatever he wants. This is true, but when we are sharing bills and a life together, I expect him to be honest about the feelings he has regarding our relationship. I woke up.

SYNOPSIS:
I think this has to do with our current financial instability and how it has induced strain upon our relationship. We have had to tighten our budget and really pay close attention to our bank accounts, and the fact that he doesn't have a job really stresses both of us out. Neither of us are insecure about our relationship, but our future as it pans out in the next couple months is a bit sketchy. We don't know where we'll be living... we don't know where we'll be working... we don't know if we'll be able to go month-to-month at our current place... if we can go month-to-month, we'll be able to plan a little better and not have to break the lease. If we can't, then we'll have to sign another year lease and risk breaking it if one of use is offered a job elsewhere. But I don't want to have to break my lease, and I don't want to move close to my current job, only to have to move again if one of us is (again) offered a job elsewhere. We can't do any more than we're already doing, and the job market in our area is dreadful. The GM-Moraine Plant has stopped some production, cutting of thousands of jobs, and DHL in Wilmington is cutting about 6000 jobs soon. The local economy is going down, and we can't do anything but cross our fingers and look elsewhere. I need to go...