It's coming around to that time again where I mourn the loss of my mother on the date in which she was taken from us: March 31. I usually tend to start thinking about her a lot during the month of March, and it effects my dreams too. This one was long, but I can only remember the part that my mom appeared for a few seconds.
It's Easter, so everyone is freaking out about family get-togethers and chocolate rabbits. In the dream, I was explaining to my mom how much holidays suck without her because my dad sucks at planning. She was sitting there listening to me and I said "Mom, I miss you so much" and she simply said "Yea, I know. Don't worry, everything will be ok."
I woke up and cried... as I usually do when I dream realistically about my mom. It just sucks because I will never feel differently about what happened and I will always get choked up when I think about the events of that terrible day. Oh what a terrible day. I can assure myself, though, that no other day can be worse than that one, so I will never have another "worst day of my life" and expect people to feel sorry for me. I can only have a second worst day of my life, and I devote that one to my dad. Let's hope that doesn't come anytime soon though.. let's say until I'm at least a grandmother.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Two Dreams: Part 1
I came home from work on Friday morning at 9:45 and went back to sleep. Luckily for me, I had an awesome dream and woke up in a great mood just a couple hours later. Here we go:
I remember being in my friend Jeff's apartment, only, it wasn't an apartment, it was a huge house. The front room in the house looked exactly like the front room in his real apartment, but back where the hallway usually exists were three steps up into the rest of this giant house. Everything was white and neat, and I almost was afraid to tough anything. But I knew Jeff was cool and wouldn't really care. All of us were smoking and having a good time and once we discovered there were more rooms, we scattered ("we" includes: rachelle (best friend), sam (brother), jeff, joey (boyfriend), and me). Next scene: Joey and I are half-naked in this little nook outside the front room. For unknown reasons, we were rockin' out naked and weren't even having sex or anything. A loud knock on the front door scared us all (yunno, the paranoia that comes with smoking, you think everyone on the outside is a cop). I looked back at Jeff, who poked his head out from within the front room, and we all freaked out and tried to hide. Joey and I grabbed our loose body-parts and clothes, and ran upstairs. The stairs began in front of the door and went up about half-way, turned, and extended across the floor like a bridge to the rooms in the back of the house. Joey and I separated and fended for ourselves. I went in the room on the left and tried to hide underneath this window seat cushion. What seemed like a couple minutes later, Sam and my dad found me, uncovered me, and said that some director just came to the door and we were all part of the film crew. I got my clothes back on and I went to the next scene. So now I was outside and my dad was explaining to me that all of us got these neat jackets for working on the movie. We walked over to the van that the director came in and he held up a hangar holding the jacket. It was an average blue wind-breaker with the movie title on it, and appreciative of recieving it in the first place, I said "awesome" and nodded my head in acceptance. "Wait, that's not the cool part" my dad said. "You have to OPEN the jacket.." When I unzipped it and pulled open the flaps I saw a fuzzy, gold and black, shimmery, Batman logo. Apparently everyone got a jacket with a different superhero logo inside. Sam got Superman. I woke up.
ANALYSIS:
OK, after telling this dream to several, I have come to the conclusion that the image of the house probably signifies my lust for extravagance and success. Of course, I know this is a common lust among many, and those who qualify take advantage of it. I think of the Simpsons episode where at the beginning, Krusty sets hundred-dollar bills, pearl necklaces, and rare antiques on fire with his Zippo just to light a cigarette while he gambles thousands away on horse races and boxing matches. But although I know it's just an image that most people fall in love with, it's the success part that I want. And to piggy-back the success, I want to change the system from the inside. Oh dreams... that's what this blog is for, I guess.. to spew out what seems untouchable.
Back to the dream, though. Sam was out in LA for a couple weeks and he had such a great time. He told me that I would love it out there and should maybe consider taking my career in that direction. I considered it... and I think the dream was my manifestation of being successful and glamorous in LA. Big mansion, everything is white, the hallways were all cool and unique. Of COURSE I want that crazy rich stuff! But I was to achieve it ethically, honestly, and morally. I don't want to cheat the system like so many have and still do. I'm not dishonest like that, and I could never hurt other people for personal gain. I'm not Paris Hilton.
I remember being in my friend Jeff's apartment, only, it wasn't an apartment, it was a huge house. The front room in the house looked exactly like the front room in his real apartment, but back where the hallway usually exists were three steps up into the rest of this giant house. Everything was white and neat, and I almost was afraid to tough anything. But I knew Jeff was cool and wouldn't really care. All of us were smoking and having a good time and once we discovered there were more rooms, we scattered ("we" includes: rachelle (best friend), sam (brother), jeff, joey (boyfriend), and me). Next scene: Joey and I are half-naked in this little nook outside the front room. For unknown reasons, we were rockin' out naked and weren't even having sex or anything. A loud knock on the front door scared us all (yunno, the paranoia that comes with smoking, you think everyone on the outside is a cop). I looked back at Jeff, who poked his head out from within the front room, and we all freaked out and tried to hide. Joey and I grabbed our loose body-parts and clothes, and ran upstairs. The stairs began in front of the door and went up about half-way, turned, and extended across the floor like a bridge to the rooms in the back of the house. Joey and I separated and fended for ourselves. I went in the room on the left and tried to hide underneath this window seat cushion. What seemed like a couple minutes later, Sam and my dad found me, uncovered me, and said that some director just came to the door and we were all part of the film crew. I got my clothes back on and I went to the next scene. So now I was outside and my dad was explaining to me that all of us got these neat jackets for working on the movie. We walked over to the van that the director came in and he held up a hangar holding the jacket. It was an average blue wind-breaker with the movie title on it, and appreciative of recieving it in the first place, I said "awesome" and nodded my head in acceptance. "Wait, that's not the cool part" my dad said. "You have to OPEN the jacket.." When I unzipped it and pulled open the flaps I saw a fuzzy, gold and black, shimmery, Batman logo. Apparently everyone got a jacket with a different superhero logo inside. Sam got Superman. I woke up.
ANALYSIS:
OK, after telling this dream to several, I have come to the conclusion that the image of the house probably signifies my lust for extravagance and success. Of course, I know this is a common lust among many, and those who qualify take advantage of it. I think of the Simpsons episode where at the beginning, Krusty sets hundred-dollar bills, pearl necklaces, and rare antiques on fire with his Zippo just to light a cigarette while he gambles thousands away on horse races and boxing matches. But although I know it's just an image that most people fall in love with, it's the success part that I want. And to piggy-back the success, I want to change the system from the inside. Oh dreams... that's what this blog is for, I guess.. to spew out what seems untouchable.
Back to the dream, though. Sam was out in LA for a couple weeks and he had such a great time. He told me that I would love it out there and should maybe consider taking my career in that direction. I considered it... and I think the dream was my manifestation of being successful and glamorous in LA. Big mansion, everything is white, the hallways were all cool and unique. Of COURSE I want that crazy rich stuff! But I was to achieve it ethically, honestly, and morally. I don't want to cheat the system like so many have and still do. I'm not dishonest like that, and I could never hurt other people for personal gain. I'm not Paris Hilton.
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